Reconciling faith, belief and a life of illness
Most of the time, life is pretty normal. Things go on, albeit at times painfully, and the reality of living a life of with a chronic illness does not have as profound an effect as our healthier counterparts may think. But, there are times when, like it or not, the brutal reality of things comes back into focus.
The stages of grief have been noted in those diagnosed with chronic illness. A grieving process over the might have beens seems perfectly normal when at least some of your hopes and assumptions about the rest of your life go down the drain along with a diagnosis. This is normal--the new normal of your life.
I get by pretty well in my day to day life. Yeah, I may do some things differently or more slowly than others, but that's fine. I try not to think too much about future possibilities or worry too much about what tomorrow will be like. I work, eat, sleep, play. I also pray and meditate and go to church. I try to have faith that somehow what has happened in my life has a purpose.
Yet, there are those who see my life and my health as an exhibition in my lack of faith or belief. They say, "If you believe, your body will get better". If you were just more faithful to God. If you just prayed more. If you really believed, God would heal you. This person will lay hands on you, and you will be better (yes, this really happened, though in a more extreme form--think lay exorcism). If you repented your sins, you would get better.
Those are the things that hurt most. I did not ask for arthritis. I did not let Satan into my life and into my joints (sounds a little silly, doesn't it?). I do get angry sometimes. I get upset. I ask God, "Why me?". But even Job, God's faithful servant, questioned the events in his life.
Job lost everything: health, family, earthly posessions. His friends blamed him for his misfortune. He questioned God and asked why. He didn't curse God, but he still felt the pain and raw emotion of a life less than normal. Job was rewarded for his faith. I have faith that I will be too, though perhaps not with good or restored health. I don't know God's will, but neither do they.
I have faith that I will survive. I will have a full life. I am blessed, and I will be blessed. I will have pain, but what life is without it? I am no less human or Christian because of my chronic illness. I challenge those who see illness as an expression of poor faith and/or sin to reconsider that belief (perhaps study Job). And then, consider how you and your faith community treat those who are chronically ill or disabled.
